As a child, growing up in the 80’s when the Internet was unknown to the masses, spam was a good thing.

Not many people send you mail when you’re young. You’ll get a few cards at Christmas (if your family is of that persuasion) and some for your Birthday, but then there’s nothing. I used to absolutely love it when I was sent something random, whether is was an application to a credit card or a 50p coupon off tampons.

Growing older, you start to realise this junk mail is slightly annoying. Most of the things you’re sent don’t relate to you, are unnecessary or are something you’d never purchase anyway, and so you throw it away usually without reading it. This problem is escalated when you move into a rented house that has had a lot of tenants in a few years; the quantity of addressed junk is phenomenal.

But that’s not why I’m here to talk to you today. My issue is somewhat different – leaflet spam.

A couple of weeks ago, I put a little notice up on my front door that politely asks “No free papers or leaflets please”. This is because I have little time for random toilet paper being put through my door, and it usually ends up straight in my bin. Now, this has been partially successful, in that the child labour force who usually deliver the free papers are obviously well educated, can read the sign and don’t give me a paper. Unfortunately, this isn’t so for the normal leaflet deliverers. I’d always assumed that leaflet deliverers were students or ‘other’ who couldn’t find a real job. But given the amount of leaflets I’ve received post sign I must conclude that the people delivering them are illiterate.

Incidentally, the best way to stop people sending spam to your email address is not to give out your email address in the first place. Give it only to known contacts, don’t use it in websites you’re not familiar with (use a second, throw away email for those) and never publish it in plain text online. If you absolutely must then I’d recommend Google Mail who have a fantastic spam filter.

For your entertainment, here are all of the leaflets I have received so far; their deliverers willingly ignoring my polite request:

• LA Fitness
• Christian Aid
• The Green Party
• Choudhury Indian Restaurant (Yum!)
• JS Cars (who have a lovely hotmail address – never tried emailing for a taxi before)
• Mama Jan Pizza
• Johns Car Wash (Under new management (!))
• KHAN Cafe Rooje (heh, reminds me of Kirk: KHAAAAAAAN!)
• Italian Express Pizza
• The new unitary council – I’m taking control – I’m voting CONSERVATIVE (I will obey)